A Certain are you a Zombie?
by OnePunch-Man
Summary: Life or un-death, or maybe misfortune. Whatever there is that could happen, let's just say something bad is going to happen, or something good. Whatever works.


**Author's notes: And this is chapter 1 or the prologue of the story, about Kore wa Zombie Desu ka? and To Aru Majutsu no Index.**

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You know, a so called friend of mine once told me some kind of riddle, story, joke, or whatever it was that will reveal the awful secret behind this gallant city, assuming that the one who would attempt to unlock it won't go utterly mad in solving it.

But that was a long time ago, in a galaxy not so far away, or maybe not?

Well, It all goes like this...

I mean, is it still considered murder if you killed someone who won't just stay down? You know, like a zombie or some kind of unknown entity who can you know, become not dead. Or maybe just someone who really was a major douche bag.

Let's just say you have an axe, and no, not the one were you can get a chance to be an astronaut. Well being an astronaut is cool and all, and it even might get me a girlfriend, like the one in those commercials about it, but alas, with my kind of luck, it all seems impossible to win in that contest and/or get a girlfriend.

Only if I was popular with the ladies, but because of my damn misfortune that keeps happening to me all the time, having a girlfriend is mere but a dream to me that I hope would happen some day.

But there never really was any hope for getting a girlfriend, only fools hope.

Nah, just kidding.

Anyways, rather than a body spray that makes the opposite sex crazy for you, it's just a regular metal axe with a wooden handle, given by how much allowance you had, it was just a cheap one, something that you can get from your local hardware store or anywhere you can get a regular axe from.

It was just a small axe, not like those big ass fire axes carried by those firemen used to chop down burning wood or to forcibly open a lock door. You can carry said small axe with just one hand easily.

It was one bitter winter day, you could clearly see snow everywhere, since it was winter after all. It covered the whole field you were at.

It was cold, winter cold, the only thing that was keeping you warm was the baggy winter coat you were wearing that you got from a summer clearance sale at your local department store.

Obviously the winter coat was on sale cause it was summer season at the time when you bought it, and most of people were buying swimsuits after all, planning to go to the pool or even the beach.

Because of your measly allowance, while they were all planning on what swimsuit to buy and wear, you were busy shopping for winter clothes since it was on clearance after all.

And also there was a seemingly lifeless body besides you.

You used the said axe to behead a man. Don't worry about it, the man was already dead to begin with.

Or maybe you should worry about it, because you're the one who shot him in the first place.

He had been a big twitchy guy, bigger than your average Japanese male, since he wasn't really Japanese after all, but you get the point.

His skin color was a pale white, had long and silky red hair up to his neck, had lots of accessories on his ears, kinda like those goth guys you often see in school that you try to avoid contact with or maybe vice versa, furthermore the most striking feature of the man was the barcode tattoo he had under his right eye.

He was some kind of priest who was wearing a black priest robe, to be honest with you I have never seen a priest wearing black robes with a cape until now, well he kinda looked like one, and he also had a lot of rings on his fingers.

And you're chopping off his head because, even with eight bullet holes in him, you're still pretty sure he's about to spring back on his feet and eat the look of terror off your face the minute you let your eyes off of him.

On the follow-through of the last swing, though, the handle of the axe snaps in a spray of splinters.

You now have a broken axe. So, after a long night of looking for a place to dump the man and his head, you take a trip into the city with your axe. You go to the local hardware store, explaining away the dark reddish stains on the broken handle as teriyaki sauce.

You walk out with a brand new handle for your axe.

The repaired axe sits undisturbed in your closet until the next spring when, on one rainy morning, you find in your kitchen a creature that appears to be a foot-long reptile with a few spikes on its tail, and bat like wings on its back.

_A wild mini dragon has appeared!_

Its jaws bites one of your forks in half with what seems like very little effort. Note to self: buy new fork. You grab your trusty axe from closet and chop the hell out of the thing into several pieces.

On the last blow, however, the axe strikes a metal leg of the overturned kitchen table and chips out a notch right in the middle of the blade.

You really need to stop buying cheap things.

Of course, a chipped head means yet another trip to the hardware store. They sell you a brand new head for your axe. As soon as you got home with your newly-headed axe, though, you meet the reanimated body of the guy you beheaded last year in winter.

He's also got a new head, stitched on with what looks like electric cable line, and it's wearing that unique expression of "you're the man who killed me last winter" resentment that one so rarely encounters in everyday life.

You brandish your axe. The guy takes a long look at the weapon with his squishy, rotting eyes and in a gargly voice he screams, "That's the same axe that slayed me!"

Is he right?

Well if you ask me I'd say my so called friend of mine played too much violent video games and watched too many horror movies in his free time.

If I remember correctly, he told me that story, riddle, joke, or whatever it was when we went camping, and by that I mean staying inside the school until it gets dark, making campfires inside the classroom, hiding from the staff when they come patrolling, and doing some ridiculous ritual they found in the internet.

I believe it was paper hachiko and they lived happily ever after, or something like that. It involved a paper doll and you have to be in a circle, and then you would say something in your head that I couldn't remember.

Anyways, that was a total bust, and we just ended up telling made up stories and doing some ridiculous stuff to ease our boredom.

"Hello, Nya!" A person with blond hair said to his portable calling device, or cellphone for short.

A voice replied in a masculine yet feminine voice. "What do you want."

"pffst... The 80's called... pfffsst ...They want their mountain dew tub back... Ha! ha! ha!" The voices then hang up, laughter could be heard in the background.

"Ha! ha! ha!..."

There were only three of us. Me, that so called friend of mine who has blue hair, and the blond guy wearing sunglasses at the middle of the night inside this very dark place.

Both of them were now laughing crazy, I don't get them.

The place isn't really that scary, since this is a new school after all in a new city. So the chances of finding anything that is scary or disturbing is very low, unless you find teenagers with overly exaggerated powers as creepy, then this place is not for you.

And If you're going to ask me why I agreed joining them in their stupid endeavor towards the school in the first place, then don't. Cause I also have no idea why I am doing this.

"Nya! This is a test of courage!" The blond guy replied when I asked him why we were doing this.

"Don't chicken out on us now, Kami-yan." The blue haired guy was the next to reply.

I just sighed at the both of them.

"You do know what happens if they find out that we're 'camping' here, right?" I questioned to both of them.

"Detention?, Nya!"

"Suspension?"

"...Expulsion?"

You know, for a minute there I thought I heard another voice. Must be my imagination. So I shrugged it off.

And I sighed again. "Whatever."

The blue haired guy then took something rectangular in his pocket and placed it at the teachers desk at the front of the classroom. It had something pointy sticking out of the side of it, a couple of buttons here and there, a switch obviously, and a small speaker at the middle of it.

"Is that a portable radio, Nya!?" The blond guy questioned the obvious.

"Yup!"

Weird, a portable radio. You know, living in the city that's pretty technologically advance, you would have expected a portable television at least, or maybe even a portable hologram device. But a radio?

Oh well, for a guy who has a meager allowance, who am I to complain.

The blue haired guy proceeded to turn on the device and then tuned it to a certain radio station.

"-Yo! yo! yo! Thanks for tuning in! This is DJ Amakusa 'And I will always love you' Kanade! And I'll be your host for tonights Ghost Watch..."

I wondered if ghosts were real. I wondered if that was his real middle name. I wondered if these two were really my friends. I wondered if I turned off all the lights in my dorm. I wondered if the blond guy's glasses were actually night vision goggles. I wondered. Was there something moving back there, in the darkness?

I glanced at the back of the classroom. No, a trick of the shadows.

_Your mind is playing with you._

We're getting nowhere here.

I looked at the two boys again. They were each holding a bag of chips that they seemingly got from nowhere, probably the snacks that they brought for this certain 'camping trip'.

They each had camping bags complete with sleeping bags, you could say they were both prepared for this, I on the other hand only brought a small bag filled with essentials, and instead of a sleeping bag I only had a blanket.

The only lighting we have here is the so called camp fire in the middle of the room, but the truth is, it's just one flashlight in a vertical position, the place where the light comes from is facing up, while piles of trash surrounded it to make it look like an authentic real life campfire.

It looked pretty stupid if you ask me.

And for the up tenth time that day, I asked them why. They just simply answered with 'You can't have a proper camping trip without the proper campfire.'

I would have retorted to them that sneaking inside a school at night is anything but proper but we heard some footsteps coming from the hallway.

The three of us immediately panicked.

"Psssh, Nya!. Some one is coming. Quick, put out the fire." The blond guy whispered to us both.

The blue haired guy followed his orders and quickly took a bottle of water from his backpack, and you could already guess what happens next.

Maybe it was because he was panicking, or he wasn't thinking straight at all, or he was too immersed in the moment, or maybe it was all just a bad joke of sorts. Whatever it is, I have no idea why.

After he took out the water bottle from his bag he quickly opened it and splashed its contents on our 'campfire' without a single thought.

Since it wasn't water proof in the first place, the 'campfire' short circuited and then there was no more light.

At least it worked, the classroom was now as pitch black as it was before we went 'camping' here.

The blond guy just ignored what had just happened and motioned us to be quiet.

We heard the footsteps get closer to classroom and we held our breath.

"-Damn Yo! That's some scary stuff!..."

...

Damn Yo! We forgot the radio!

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**Author's notes: Don't worry about it, Yo! The Zombie and the Necromancer shall appear later in the story, Yo!**

**And expect some giant talking animals to get their illusions broken, Yo!**


End file.
